


Forward Together

by abbyleaf101, Chariot_to_Somewhere



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 09:10:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13633215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbyleaf101/pseuds/abbyleaf101, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chariot_to_Somewhere/pseuds/Chariot_to_Somewhere
Summary: Trixie is spiraling out of control. She knows she needs to get back on the right path, and that she can't do that alone.





	1. Chapter 1

It's late when the knocking on the door startles Shelagh. She's sitting in the living room with a fussy Teddy, trying to coax him into sleep.

She puts him down in his bassinet, in case whoever's at the door isn't someone she wants to have easy access to her baby. Especially late at night. 

Shelagh pulls the door open and gasps softly. "Trixie!"  
"Shelagh I--" Trixie starts only to be interrupted by a cry from Teddy who was not pleased to have been put down. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come, I've woken Teddy." Her speech a little slow and fuzzy sounding. 

"You are always welcome. Teddy's just being fussy. Come in, sweet girl," Shelagh says, worried now, ushering her inside.  
Trixie follows Shelagh inside, her pace slow and careful. Shelagh picks Teddy up again and sits down on the sofa, patting the spot next to her.   
"Little mister cranky is not of a fan of being set down tonight." Shelagh jokes lightly as she settles Teddy on her lap. 

Trixie hesitates. She's *drunk* and Shelagh is trusting her to be near her precious miracle not knowing she's had a drink. Trixie takes a seat and after a moment scootches closer and lays her head down on Shelagh's shoulder. Her head feels heavy. 

Shelagh makes sure Teddy is secure in her lap and then wraps her arm around her  
Rubbing her hand up and down Trixie's arm comfortingly  
She can feel Trixie shaking just a little, and can tell her friend is crying.   
Soft footsteps on the stairs make Shelagh look up and she sees Patrick coming down the stairs.   
As soon as he spots Trixie he gives Shelagh a little nod and heads back upstairs. 

Shelagh just sits with her quietly for a while before asking "Do you want to tell me what happened?" gently  
"I've ruined it." Trixie whispers.

"Ruined what?" Shelagh prompts when Trixie doesn't say anything else  
Teddy leans forward and tries to grab on to Trixie's hair. The little boy's antics usually delight Trixie but she can't even smile at him. She just lets Shelagh pull his hand away.   
"My relationship...or or what it was. The lives of the people we're supposed to care for." Trixie's voice is slow, her words coming out with difficulty. 

"Alexandra?" Shelagh guesses, voice quiet.

"She needs stability. She needs her father and her mother back together. Not not some drunk who ruins families."

Shelagh exhales at her words and then sits up straighter, turning to look at her, face serious. "You do not ruin families. You're not " just some drunk", Beatrix Franklin. "  
Teddy tips his head back to look at Shelagh his little eyes wide. Not used to Mummy's stern voice.   
Trixie buries her face in her hands and lets out a sob.   
"I've made a horrible mess of everything Shelagh."

Shelagh puts Teddy down in his basket to wrap both arms around her tightly, stroking her hair. "Oh my darling."  
Teddy whines from his basket.   
Trixie sobs against Shelagh, her body shaking.   
"I miss him so much. And how can I? I let him go. I told him to leave."

Shelagh holds her tightly. "Of course you can miss him."

"Don't deserve to. I pushed him away, before he could make the choice. I should be strong enough to deal with the choice I made." Trixie's sober thoughts coming out of her drunk lips. She's been holding it in for the weeks since she last saw Christopher. 

"You made the decision you thought was right. Out of love and compassion for that little girl. And it hurts. Being strong or not has nothing to do with it."

"It hurts so much. I thought a drink would help." Trixie admits quietly sagging against Shelagh. 

"I know."  
Shelagh could smell it on Trixie the moment she opened the door.   
"It didn't. Nor the next or any since."

Shelagh just nods  
"I doubt any will." Shelagh says softly after a beat.   
Trixie moves to that just her head is on Shelagh's shoulder again. 

Shelagh settles, her arms wrapped around her shoulders again.  
"I love him. I wanted to be a family." Trixie's voice sounds like it's fading. 

"I know you did, love. Let's get some toast and tea and into the guest bed. It's basically yours, anyway."  
Trixie nods and after Shelagh picks up Teddy, she follows her to the kitchen.  
Teddy had been laying in the basket thankfully quiet but he'd not fallen asleep.

He'd been listening to their voices.  
Shelagh puts the toast on and starts the tea after making sure Trixie was sat down. "I'm just going to give Teddy to Patrick."  
Shelagh presses a kiss to Trixie's hair  
Trixie nods from her spot at the table.  
Upstairs, Shelagh is not surprised to see Patrick's bedside lamp on.

Shelagh pads quietly into the room. "Will you take him? Trixie's downstairs."  
"Of course." Patrick sets aside the journal he's reading and holds his hands out for Shelagh to pass him the baby.  
"Is everything alright?" he asks as Teddy settles against his chest.  
He seems to have calmed enough that maybe he'll sleep.

Shelagh sighs. "No. Not really. I'm setting her up in the guest room."

Patrick sighs and rubs his hand distractedly up and down Teddy's back.

"She's been drinking. Going to feed her and put her to bed."  
Patrick holds his free hand up to Shelagh and when he takes it he pulls her down to give her a kiss instead of kissing her palm like she thought he would.   
"We'll be here waiting. Maybe this little guy will stop fighting sleep."

Shelagh kisses him back softly and then sighs  
"Thank you, love."  
Shelagh heads back downstairs and is not surprised to see Trixie with her head on the table. 

Shelagh touches her shoulder. "Trixie, love?"  
Trixie jerks a little and sits up. "M sorry." She mutters.   
"No need for apologies. I imagine you are exhausted. Let's get some food and tea in you to help with the headache you're sure to have in the morning." Shelagh says as she goes to get the toast and tea.

"'M sorry," Trixie mumbles again, but lets Shelagh give her a plate of toast and sips quietly at her tea, mostly warming her hands around the mug.

"I'll sort out some of my pyjamas for you, too, love." Shelagh replies  
Trixie just nods and reaches for the tea.   
They sit in silence as Trixie finishes her tea and nibbles at the toast. 

Shelagh waits until she's finished most it it before kissing her hair again. "Ready for bed?"  
Trixie nods and lets Shelagh guide her upstairs.   
She's feeling the exhaustion from the high emotions.   
Her whole body feels like lead and it's all she can do to keep herself upright on the stairs. 

Shelagh finds her some flannel pyjamas that might have once been Patrick's but that Shelagh altered as maternity pyjamas  
Shelagh holds her arms out to steady her.  
"They'll more than likely be a bit big, I wore them when I was pregnant." Shelagh says setting them on the bed. "It's either that or a nightgown that would barely touch your shins." She teases lightly.   
"These'll do." Trixie says quietly. 

Shelagh leaves her to get changed. "Trixie. If you need something. Just come and wake us."  
"Shelagh?" Trixie asks before Shelagh's fully out of the door.  
"Yes darling?" Shelagh replies, turning back to face her.  
"Thank you." Trixie says simply. 

"Always, sweetheart. You're family."  
Trixie gives her a weak smile and grabs the pajamas to get changed.   
Shelagh makes her way back to hers and Patrick's room and is not surprised to see that Teddy has not fallen asleep. 

Shelagh smiles at them, a little sadly. "Hello. Still fighting sleep?"  
"He's calm, just seems like he has no interest in sleeping tonight." Patrick says.   
Shelagh deposits her dressing gown on the end of the bed and climbs in next to Patrick.  
Once Shelagh's settled she motions to Patrick for him to hand her Teddy.  
In his mother's arms again the little boy rubs his face against her chest and lets out a little whine.   
"Oh sleepy boy," she coos. 

Patrick smiles softly at his wife and son  
"Shh shh. Sleep now."  
Sleepy little eyes stay focused on Patrick, still refusing to stay closed.   
"Is Trixie all settled for the night?" Patrick asks shifting to his side.

"I think so. I left her to get changed into my flannels."

"She broke up with Christopher, pushed him away before he could hurt her." Shelagh sighs. 

Patrick makes a sad sound  
"Oh, the poor love."  
Shelagh nods. "Something about stability for Alexandra."  
She rubs her hand up and down Teddy's back. She shifts a little to peer down to see if he's closed his eyes yet.   
And when her slight movement makes them open again she huffs.

Patrick smiles. "Aw. Poor kiddo doesn't want to sleep.”

"Poor Mummy wants him to though." Shelagh says. She knows he's going to be cranky the next day no matter what time he sleeps at this point.  
Patrick leans over to kiss her hair  
"He's going to be so crabby tomorrow." Shelagh says moving to pat Teddy on the bottom.

Patrick nods. "That he is."  
Teddy sniffles a little and rubs his face against Shelagh again.  
"It seems like it's going to be a rough night all around." Patrick comments.

Shelagh sighs. "I'm so worried about Trixie."  
Patrick makes a noise of agreement. "I'm glad she came here."

"Me too. I hate to think of her, struggling on her own."  
"She won't be on her own now." Patrick says reaching a hand out to place it on Teddy's back.  
"I have half a mind to hunt down Christopher and tell him not to give up on her." Shelagh admitsm

Patrick nods. "Me too."  
"Is he asleep?" Shelagh asks, not wanting to move and disturb him again.

"I think so. His eyes are closed, at least."  
Shelagh lets out a breath.

"I know I'm going to miss him wanting to be held, but I'll be glad when we can get him to sleep on his own consistently." Shelagh says.

She refuses to let him cry himself to sleep. She didn't do that with Angela and she sure won't do it with Teddy. Eventually Teddy drifts in and out of sleep, letting Shelagh and Patrick get a bit more as well.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Patrick had called to see if they're part time Secretary was able to come in. Since Shelagh had barely slept. And Shelagh calls in today say Trixie has come down with the flu. Shortly after Shelagh herself had woken, Trixie had as well and had nearly run to the downstairs toilet to empty her stomach.   
When Trixie exits she sees that Shelagh has already set some food on the table for her. As well as a mug of tea and two aspirin. She takes the aspirin with a sip of the tea and looks at Shelagh questioningly.   
“Peppermint?” She asks. 

Shelagh nods. “To help settle your stomach. I’m sure vomiting does nothing for the headache I’m sure you have.”

Trixie nods in thanks and sits down. “The vomiting isn’t from the hangover.” She admits quietly. 

Shelagh’s eyes widen in surprise and she lets out a little gasp. 

"Does Christopher know?" Shelagh asks gently.  
Trixie stares down at the tea in her hands. "No."

Shelagh reaches across the table to take Trixie's hand in hers.  
"I can't do this Shelagh. I can't be a mum." Trixie says quietly.

"I have every faith in your ability to be a Mum," Shelagh replies quietly. "But if you aren't ready... we'll. Work something out."

"I'd hoped I would have woken up bleeding." She admits. "I know that's horrible, I know I shouldn't."

Shelagh shakes her head. "There's no "should" in a situation like this. Is that the reason for the gin?"  
Trixie just nods.

"My sweet girl." Shelagh feels a little lost and hopeless and her heart is hurting for Trixie so much.   
"I'm sorry Shelagh. I shouldn't have brought this to you. You tried so long to have Teddy. And here I am-"  
Shelagh cuts her off. "Stop right there Trixie Franklin."

Trixie stops at the firm, stern tone of Shelagh's voice and looks at her, eyes wide in surprise   
"You are one of my dearest friends Trixie." Shelagh tells her. "I will be here to support you."

"But..." 

Shelagh raises her eyebrows at Trixie. "But what?"

Trixie rubs at her eyes, they're itchy from so much crying and from the hangover and from the vomiting.   
"I don't deserve it."  
"Darling, you deserve love." Shelagh says simply.

Trixie just looks down at the table top.   
They sit in silence for a little while.

"I rang in and told Nonnatus you had the flu," Shelagh says eventually. "And Patrick found a secretary, since Teddy didn't sleep."

"I can't not go to work." Trixie tries to protest.  
But Shelagh stops her. " You look exhausted. A day off will do you some good."

Plus, Shelagh doubts she could look at a urine sample without throwing up again, let alone anything else.   
"We can spend the day together," Shelagh adds, voice firm but kind   
"You don't need to baby sit me Shelagh." Trixie bites.

Shelagh looks momentarily hurt and then just regards her coolly   
"You're under no obligation to stay."  
"I'm not your problem to fix." Trixie says quietly, deflating.

"No," Shelagh replies. "But you are my friend."   
She leaves Trixie sitting at the table to check on Teddy.   
Trixie stays at the table. Her tea getting cold and her food untouched.  
Shelagh had picked up the grumpy but wide eyed Teddy and sat on the sofa with him.

Teddy is in a transition period between development milestones. And hence awake a lot but also grumpy.   
Especially considering the lack of sleep the night before.

Eventually Trixie gets up from the table and joins Shelagh in the living room.  
"I'm sorry." She says taking a seat in one of the arm chairs.

Shelagh looks up to look at her.   
"I know you're hurting. But we love you. And want to help you."   
Teddy sees Trixie and reaches out his little arms towards her.   
Shelagh smiles. "Someone is demanding your attention. Come sit with us?"

Trixie moves closer, still a little unsure.   
Teddy leans out of Shelagh's lap trying to get to her.   
Trixie settles next to Shelagh and Shelagh passes Teddy over to her.

Teddy grabs hold of Trixie's arms and settles in her lap   
The only reason she hadn't given him to Trixie on the other chair is she wanted to be as close as possible if he started screaming.  
"Well you little sir seem wide awake for someone who kept his mummy up all night." Trixie teases lightly, tickling his belly.

Shelagh chuckles softly. "Shame his Mummy doesn't feel the same way." Shelagh reaches out to tickle him too.   
"I'm sorry if I had a hand in keeping him up last night." Trixie says. Not looking at Shelagh focusing instead on Teddy

Shelagh shakes her head. "Not at all. He was just being a fussy baby. And even if you had, it wouldn't have been a problem."

"I can't handle the thought of being pregnant without ending up at the bottom of a bottle of gin." Trixie says after a few moments. "That's no life to bring a child into. I don't want to be like my father."

Shelagh exhales slowly. "Do you want to terminate?"

"I.....I don't know." Trixie admits. "Doesn't matter though, does it?"

Shelagh sighs. "I suppose not."

"We can make arrangements for you to take some time off." Shelagh suggests. "Visit some family?" The rest, involving giving birth and giving the baby up is left unsaid.

Trixie just nods "I suppose I'll have to."

Shelagh reaches out and puts her hand on Trixie's shoulder.  
"You can also talk to Christopher."

Trixie looks up at her, eyes wide and frightened. She shakes her head quickly.   
"No. No I can't. I broke it off with him because Alexandra needed stability, and this isn't that."

"He's a good man. He deserves to know, Trix." Shelagh says.

"There isn't any point, though, is there? If I..." Trixie swallows.

"He deserves to know that he has another child in the world." Shelagh's hoping that convincing her to talk to Christopher will show her that he wants to be with her. Even if Trixie wasn't pregnant, she would have been spending the day trying to convince her of that. 

Trixie just sighs and shakes her head. "I'll think about it."

Shelagh looks down at Teddy to see that the little boy has slumped back against Trixie. His eyes closed and obviously dead to the world.

Shelagh smiles fondly at them "Looks like you have a magic touch with Teddy, at least."

"He's an easy baby to get along with." Trixie smiles a little. Giving Teddy cuddles makes her think about her baby. It's easy to love on a baby you can give back. 

"You can put him to nap, if you like. Or go cuddle some more."

"I don't think he'll be too pleased if I move him." Trixie laughs.

"He looks pretty dead to the world to me," Shelagh replies, putting their forgotten mugs and plates to be washed, pausing to press a kiss to Trixie's hair and brush her fringe out of her eyes   
Trixie gently moves Teddy so his head is resting on her shoulder and she can lean back against the sofa a little more comfortably.   
Teddy lets out a little whine at the movement but doesn't seem to actually wake. 

Shelagh smiles at them and starts to do the few chores she needs to do, getting a head start on the washing up and the laundry.  
Snuggling the sleeping baby, Trixie lets her thoughts wander.   
How she wished that her life was simple. That she had never made love with Christopher. That she wasn't in the position. 

Or was, but with him, married, and the sleeping baby in her lap was their first 

And she feels bad for snapping at Shelagh   
Who she knows is just trying to help   
She's just so tired. Not just sleepy tired, but bone deep exhausted. Mad at herself, disappointed in herself.   
Everything is just Too Much.

Shelagh retrieves the baby and sends her off to have a nice warm bath after a couple of hours   
While Trixie is in the bath Shelagh rings Patrick to give him a bit of an update. And asks if he is able to leave a little early and pick Angela up from her preschool. 

Patrick agrees that of course he will be able to, and reassures Shelagh everything is perfectly fine in the surgery. Nothing has burned down in her three hours absence.   
Shelagh laughs lightly and goes to check on Teddy in his basket after she hangs up.   
He's happily still sleeping, though she knows she'll have to wake him in another hour or he might not sleep the night again. 

But he'll hopefully be in a better mood at least.   
Fortunately he's more of a clingy baby when he's grumpy instead of a crying one. 

Shelagh is sitting on the sofa with Teddy sleeping on her instead of in his basket when Trixie comes back down. 

"He's still sleeping?" Trixie asks sitting on the opposite end of the sofa.   
She looks better, fresher, a little lighter. 

Trixie nods. "He does this every time he refuses to sleep. Have to wake him up soon though or he won't sleep tonight."  
"Can't say I mind the sleepy baby cuddles really." Shelagh adds with a small smile. "He won't stay tiny forever."

"He's gotten so big already," Trixie agrees quietly "Is Angela still getting on okay with him?" With her dating Christopher and now this, they haven't spent as much time together as they did before.

"Wonderfully." Shelagh tells her. "She's a great big sister, always wanting to help me with him. Watching her play with him is a dream."

Trixie grins. "Oh, I'm glad." She knows Shelagh was worried that Angela would feel left out or not as good with a new baby. "And Tim still the doting big brother?"

"It's a wonder Teddy is ever in his own cot. Between Tim and Patrick." Shelagh laughs. "As soon as Tim gets home, it's brother time."

Trixie laughs too.   
She looks a little serious again. "Has he had anymore nightmares?"   
Shelagh talked to her about them, a little bit, when she was worried and on her own just after Teddy was born. Trixie would sometimes spend her afternoon off with her.

"He hasn't had anymore as far as I know." Shelagh says. "Things have settled quite a bit since this little one joined us. Family life has smoothed back out."

"Good." Trixie replies with a warm smile. "I'm glad."  
They sit in a comfortable silence for a little. Just enjoying each other's company

"I don't know what to do Shelagh." Trixie says a while later. Her thoughts had started swirling in the silence. Part of her wants her baby so much. Wants to go to Christopher and beg him to forgive her. But what would that do to Alexandra? Already having problems dealing with her parents' divorce. How would she handle her father's girlfriend having a new baby?  
It seemed like it was better for everyone if she just went away and gave the baby up.

Shelagh turns to look at her. "I wish I could give you an answer. What do you /want/ to do?"  
"I want none of this to be happening. I want to be happy and in love." Trixie sighs. 

"Then you need to talk to Christopher."  
Trixie shakes her head. "What if he doesn't want me anymore?"

"But what if he *does*, Trixie."  
"Why would he?"

"Because you are kind, and compassionate, and smart, and beautiful. And because he loves you."  
"I'm a drunk Shelagh." Trixie mutters. "The first sign of trouble and ran right back to a bottle of gin."

Shelagh is quiet for a while. Gathering her thoughts. "You might have a problem with drinking. It might always be a problem. But it wasn't the first sign of trouble. And it doesn't make those other things untrue."  
Trixie looks up at Shelagh, tears in her eyes. "I don't want it to always be a problem."

"You aren't a problem. You're a person."  
"I don't want Christopher always wondering if something is going to make me want to drink again. I don't my child thinking they have to walk on eggshells around me. I can't be my father Shelagh." Trixie leans back against the sofa and presses her hands to her eyes. Thankful she didn't have any makeup on to smudge. 

Shelagh is quiet. She isn't sure what to say. If there even is anything she can say.  
Before Shelagh can think of something to respond with, Teddy makes a little whimper against her and starts waking up.   
"Do you want some more cuddles while I get his lunch?" Shelagh offers. 

Trixie swallows. "Please?"

Shelagh stands hands Teddy to her. "Auntie Trixie needs more cuddles." She says kissing his head before Trixie takes him. 

Teddy sees Trixie and reaches out for her, babbling sleepily  
He tries to grab her hair.

Trixie sets him so his feet are on her lap and she's helping him stand.   
"Well good morning sleepy head." Trixie teases lightly.

Teddy bounce in her hold and shrieks at her  
"Is that so? Well I'm glad you seem to be in a better mood after your nap." Trixie keeps talking back with him.   
Shelagh readies some mashed fruits and veggies in the kitchen and asks if Trixie wants to feed him a his seat by the table. 

Trixie nods. "Please, if that would be okay?"

"Of course." Shelagh says. "I will always trust you with my children." She adds, wondering if that's what Trixie needs to hear.

Trixie startles as if Shelagh had confessed her love to her and turns to look at her. "I - oh." 

Shelagh gives Trixie's arm a squeeze, not expecting her to say anything in response.

Trixie swallows and turns back to making sure Teddy is secure in his chair, feeling overwhelmed   
Teddy bangs his hands on the tray attached to his chair happily when he sees Shelagh bring over his lunch.  
Shelagh hands a little spoon to Trixie and sits on Teddy's other side.

Trixie spoons a little onto the spoon and tries to feed him. Teddy eats fairly happily, but manages to get a lost of it down his bib and on his hands and keeps trying to grab the spoon off her   
Shelagh laughs. "I usually let him try and feed himself once he's eaten most of it."  
"He does not seem to have mastered that yet." Trixie laughs as well.   
Teddy shoves one carrot covered fist into his mouth and looks at his Mummy with wide eyes. 

Shelagh grins and ruffles his hair gently, avoiding the bits of gravy he managed to get in the front bit   
"Yes, very well done, Teddy."

They don't really get into any more deep discussions for the rest of the day.   
Trixie doesn't need to come to a decision quite that fast. 

She has a little bit of time at least.  
She helps keep Teddy amused while Shelagh does chores, until Patrick comes home after picking Angela up.   
She declines the offer for dinner, figuring she should make her way back to Nonnatus. 

"Are you sure?"   
And Patrick gives her a big hug when he manages to catch her one-on-one in the hallway for a moment 

Trixie kind of sags into his hug. "I'm sure. Thank you for the invitation and allowing me to take your wife hostage for the day."

Patrick squeezes her tighter briefly. "Always, Trixie. You know that. You're one of us."


	3. Chapter 3

It's a few days later that Trixie tells Shelagh that she wants to talk to Christopher. 

Shelagh agrees that would be a good idea.

"Have you thought of what you'll do? If he wants to keep it?" Shelagh's voice is hushed. They're in the maternity home, and it's fairly quiet. But she does not want them to be overheard. 

Trixie shakes her head, arms crossed over her chest to stop herself from wrapping them around her belly.   
"I don't know."  
Shelagh takes note of the way Trixie moves her arms but says nothing.

"There's just... too many unknowns to plan."   
"It's best to have some sort of plan." Shelagh counters.

"There isn't one. I can't terminate, Whatever else happens will just - depend."

"Are you going to his home or do you need a place to meet?" Shelagh asks.

Trixie fidgets a little. "Well... I don't want to be too far from home if it goes badly. But I can hardly invite him to Nonnatus. And I'm scared of someone overhearing."

"You can invite him over to ours." Shelagh offers. "We can keep the little ones occupied so you can talk."

"I've already taken up so much of your time..."  
Shelagh gives her a firm look. "You are family. If you need a safe place away from prying eyes and ears, you always have one."

"Please, That would be good. I think - I can be more honest if I'm here."  
Shelagh nods. "Just let me know the day."

They arrange it for about a week's time, on her next day off. 

Patrick takes Tim and Angela out for dinner. Making it easier to keep Angie occupied.   
Trixie had given Shelagh the okay to tell Patrick what was going on. 

and Teddy is easy enough to keep occupied  
Trixie nearly wears a hole in the carpet pacing while waiting for Christopher to arrive.  
He had been surprised to hear from her. And saddened to hear the shakiness of her voice over the phone. 

They'd barely spoken at all since she ended it   
Christopher is wearing a very smart and respectable suit and there are flowers in his car. He isn't sure what the evening is about   
And is slightly nervous that its at the Turner's   
he's already experienced their protectiveness when he and Trixie started walking out   
But he took notice that their car was not parked out front. 

Christopher knocks on the door   
Right on time   
Trixie nearly jumps out of her heels at the sound.   
"Go sit, I'll answer the door." Shelagh tells her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "It'll be alright."

Trixie sits down, smoothing her hands down over her shirt in a self-soothing gesture   
Shelagh pulls open the door and greets Christopher politely and invites him in   
Shelagh leads Christopher to the living room where Trixie is sitting. Trixie can't bring herself to stand to greet him, not sure her legs won't shake apart beneath her.  
"I'll leave the two of you alone to talk." Shelagh says, heading towards the stairs. 

Christopher nods to acknowledge her and Trixie murmurs a quiet "thank you"   
It helps to know Shelagh will be so close by if she needs her   
Christopher sits down on the end of the sofa nearest the chair Trixie is in.  
"It's good to see you Trixie." He says with a small but genuine smile.   
He takes in her appearance. Like always, her hair is perfectly done up, make up as well. But he can see something in her eyes, something sad.

"It's good to see you too," Trixie replies, before taking a deep, calming breath.   
"There's something I need to discuss with you."  
"Is everything alright?" Concern deep in his voice.

Trixie laughs, and it comes out sounding sad. "I suppose." She takes another calming breath and Christopher can see her building up her armour, like she's about to tell a patient something terrible.   
"I'm pregnant."  
Christopher just stares at her. His brain not quite catching up with what she said.   
"Please say something." Her voice is quiet, scared.

"How - how far along are you?"  
"Not far. Just over two months." Trixie shifts a little in her chair. She was sure conception happened shortly before she had left him.  
"I've only known for two weeks." 

Christopher lets out a little breath. "So it wasn't - why you left."  
Trixie shakes her head.   
"I stand by my reasons. You have a duty to your daughter to provide a stable home. Alexandra deserves that." 

Christopher nods. "I thought maybe you - thought I would fail this child because I'm failing Alexandra."  
Trixie lets out a little sob. "You are a wonderful father Christopher."

Christopher looks conflicted when he realises she's crying. He wants so badly to go over and comfort her, but that's not his action to take anymore.   
"You're going to be a wonderful mother too." He says gently reaching out to take her hand.   
Trixie lets out another sob and covers her mouth. But she doesn't pull her hand away from his. 

Christopher just squeezes her hand in his

"May I give you a hug?" He asks.  
The want to have her in his arms again is too much.

She gives him a tiny nod.  
He stands up and pulls her to him, almost desperately.  
She lets his arms wrap around her and hold her tight.  
"You have more faith in me that I do." She whispers against his chest.

He presses his faces against the top of her head. "You don't have enough faith in yourself."

Trixie lets herself believe for a little, that everything is okay. Pressed against his chest, breathing in the scent of his soap and aftershave.   
"I'm a drunk Christopher. I have no business having a baby." She says after a few moments.

"You are not a drunk," Christopher says, more fiercely than he intends  
"You're a brilliant young woman, midwife and nurse. Who happens to struggle with alcohol."  
Trixie shakes her head against him. "I'm not even two weeks sober." She whispers.   
She has to pull away from him and sit back down.   
Shame washes over her. 

Christopher crouches next to the armchair. "Two weeks into the rest of your life. Or at least a long time."  
"I can't bring a baby into the life I grew up in. I refuse to put a child through that." She looks at him and he can see the tears she's refusing to shed.   
"Drunks don't make good parents."

"Are you going to put them up for adoption?"  
"I don't see what else I can do." She whispers.   
She wants to be back in his arms. Pretending for just a moment longer that they are together. That this isn't the conversation they are having. That instead he's telling her how much he loves her. 

Maybe even how much he loves this baby  
"Well, if you change your mind you will always have my support."  
Trixie lets out a bitter laugh. "Your support? And what, you'll have another child you don't get to see nearly often enough?"

"Yes."  
His voice is deadly serious  
He'll do anything to help her

He has half a mind to get down on one knee and propose.  
Trixie shakes her head. "That's not fair to you."

Christopher takes her hands in his. "Whatever you decide, I will be there for you. If you want to keep the baby, you will not be left to raise them alone."

Trixie feels tears pricking at her eyes again. "What I want doesn't come in to it. I refuse to be my father."  
"Yes it does." Christopher moves to sit on the sofa. He leans forward, elbows on his knees. "What you want matters. You /won't/ be your father."

"I am! They're not even here yet and I'm already failing them."  
"Being unsure about being a parent is not failing them Trix." He says gently.

"But I've been drinking, Christopher. That's not - not."

"And you've stopped." He pointed out.  
"What made you start again?" He asks. Not really sure he wants to know.

"It was..." Trixie sighs. She doesn't want to explain, doesn't want to make it sound like it was in any way their fault, when she was the one who chose to drink 

"The night I told you to go back to your wife." She says quietly. "I got drunk. I kept drinking. And then lost control when I found out...." her hand wave generally over her stomach.

Christopher makes a quiet noise.   
"Trixie..."   
Voice soft and a little upset   
"I thought.....I thought I was doing the right thing. For you. For Alexandra." Trixie blinks and tips her head back to keep the tears at bay.  
"It hurt. So much. I couldn't think of anything else to make it stop. I wanted to be numb."

Christopher just looks up at her. He thinks she's so brave, despite the alcohol, can't believe he got to meet someone so compassionate as to sacrifice her own happiness for them   
"And then finding out.....I couldn't...." A sob escapes.

Christopher resists the urge to draw her into his arms again. 

"I came here that night. When I found out. I'm still surprised Shelagh let me inside.”

"Of course she did. You're her family."  
Trixie lets that hang. A not exactly comfortable silence falls.

Christopher sits back down again on his chair  
Trixie shifts in the chair a little.  
"You asked what I wanted....." She starts trying to gather the courage.

Christopher looks at her and leans forward, elbow on his knees.   
"Yes."

"I want you. This baby." She says slowly. "Even though I shouldn't "

Christopher swallows and it sounds loud in the quiet room. "Why - why shouldn't you?"

"I shouldn't pull you and Alexandra into the mess I've made." Trixie presses the heels of her hands into her eyes. All the while trying not to smudge her makeup.

Christopher sighs and takes a moment before he replies.  
"You haven't asked what I want." He says, treading carefully.

Trixie snorts indelicately but takes her hands away from her eyes   
"What do you want?" She asks.

"I want you. And this baby." He says.  
Nearly mimicking her own words back at her.

Trixie stares back at him   
"Christopher. You can't say that to me." Her voice is pained. "You can't - you have Alexandra and..."   
"I am saying it. I want you Trixie. We can make a stable home. For Alexandra and our baby." He gets up to kneel down in front of her.

Trixie looks down at him, her hands shaking. "I'm not - I'm a drunk, Christopher, I'm not stable, or reliable."

Christopher takes her hands in his. "I love you Beatrix Franklin. Letting you walk away from me was the dumbest thing I've ever done. You will not be alone. We can make a home together. You will make a wonderful mother, I have faith in you."

Trixie finally loses the battle against the tears. "I don't have any faith at all."  
Christopher stands and pulls her up to him and wraps his arms around her.

She gives in and wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his chest.   
Her body shakes with the force of her sobs.

He holds her tightly and rocks her gently, murmuring softly   
He hears footsteps on the stairs and looks up. Shelagh heard her crying and is coming down to check 

Shelagh's heart breaks at the sight. But she's glad Trixie is letting him in.

Christopher gives her a little nod to let her know they're okay   
Shelagh nods back and heads back upstairs.

Trixie doesn't even notice, she's still sobbing so forcefully into Christopher's front   
He goes back to whispering soothing words to her and swaying a little.

Eventually Trixie's sobs quiet to hiccups.   
He expects her to pull away again, but she doesn't. She stays wrapped in his arms. And he's glad to have her there.

Christopher guides them to sit down after a while, and Trixie curls into him   
He rubs his hand gently on her back and presses a kiss to her hair.

Trixie lets out a little half sob at the kiss but doesn't move   
"I never should have let you walk away." He says quietly.

"I didn't give you much choice," she says quietly into his shirt   
He feels like all of this heartache wouldn't have happened if he had gone after her.  
She wouldn't have been alone when she found out about the baby. She might not have started drinking again.  
"I should have gone after you." He kisses her head again. "If you let me, I'll never make that mistake again."

Trixie doesn't say anything, just burrows a little closer against his chest. She doesn't really believe him but she appreciates him saying it   
Never is a long time   
They sit in silence for a little. And it's almost comfortable.

Trixie feels worn out from all the stress and crying   
Shelagh pads softly downstairs after a white, when she thinks Patrick is probably running out of ways to amuse a sleepy Angela   
She tells them as much and offers them the guest room, if they'd like to continue talking uninterrupted.

Christopher hesitates but Trixie nods her head against his chest   
He hadn't wanted to overstep with Trixie   
She wants to stay in his arms a little longer. Even if it's just to pretend things are ok.  
"Head on up, I'll bring you tea in a little while?"  
Shelagh is glad that it looks like they had a productive talk so far  
And she takes note that Trixie has a hand resting on her belly.

Christopher helps Trixie stand, and once they're upright Trixie starts towards the stairs, before pausing and turning to give Shelagh a big hug   
Shelagh hugs her back. "I'll still be just down the hall if you need me." She whispers. "I'm so proud of you."

Trixie giggles, and if it comes out a little hysterical no-one's going to comment. "Thank you."   
Christopher follows Trixie upstairs and when he passes by Shelagh she gives his arm a reassuring squeeze.

He smiles at her, grateful and a little overwhelmed. Not only for how welcoming she's been to Trixie but also to him   
Once upstairs, Christopher still doesn't want to overstep. But Trixie walks up to him and rests her head on the center of his chest so he wraps his arms back around her.

He'll stay holding her like this all night, if she wants   
He looks around the bedroom and notices all the little things that suggest Trixie stays here a lot 

"I've missed holding you." Christopher says before he realizes he said it outloud.

Trixie tilts her head up to look at him   
"I missed being held," she admits quietly   
He wants little more than to bend down and kiss her.

To fully express the joy he feels at having her in his arms again. But not tonight. 

"I will hold you for as long as you'll have me." He tells her.

Trixie just makes a soft noise.   
"Lie down with me?" She's tired, her head hurts from the sobbing.

Christopher swallows. "Yes."  
He kicks off his shoes and settles on the bed, letting Trixie dictate their position.

He's leaning back against the headboard and pillows some, and Trixie curls up with her head on his chest. She can hear his heart beating and the steady rhythm lulls her into a calm sense of comfort.

She ends up falling asleep like that. Not for long. But she feels warm and comfortable. And safe.  
More dozing than real sleep. She stirs when Shelagh brings them tea. 

Shelagh gives them a small smile and leaves the tea on the top of the dresser

They mostly spend the rest of the night like that, even when Christopher hears the door open and Patrick's voice. He gets offered a pair of Patrick's pajamas. And there's already some for Trixie. She's spent more nights there than not the past two weeks.

Shelagh's old maternity pyjamas have basically become hers   
Trixie likes them. The way they *feel* like the Turners, even though they're far too big   
Though they won't be too big for much longer.

Trixie likes that they were almost definitely Patrick's once, and Shelagh stole and altered them for herself over time, maybe even years, until they were hers   
It feels like being wrapped up in their affection and family   
Christopher is still getting used to it. He hasn't seen much of them, beyond the introductory dinner and bigger gatherings. But he can see how much they clearly care about Trixie.

At some point, he ends up behind her rather than her resting her head on his chest. His arm around her middle. And without really thinking about it, he slips his hand up her shirt just a little to rest on her belly.That rouses Trixie from her doze and she mumbles sleepily at him. 

Christopher can't really hear what she says so he assumes, and moves his hand away.  
But hers catches his and puts it back. Christopher makes a soft noise and settles his hand more firmly against her, rubbing his thumb against her skin. He kisses her shoulder gently before settling down behind her completely.  
And he feels her scoot back a little closer to him.

Christopher finally lets himself relax into her a little.  
Trixie leaves her hand on top of his and lets herself relax too.


	4. Chapter 4

When Trixie wakes up it takes her a moment to remember the events of the night before. And she smiles to herself. But it's not long that she gets to bask in the feeling. She has to rush to the toilet to empty what little was in her stomach from the night before.

Christopher wakes when she does and follows her half way down the landing, worried.   
It's early and the Turners aren't awake yet. He knocks gently on the bathroom door and opens it when he doesn't hear her tell him to go away.

Trixie has her chin resting on the toilet bowl. She makes a face at him when he pushes the door open, and then has to lean back over the bowl again when another wave of nausea hits her   
He crouches down next to her and rubs her back.  
Moira would lock the bathroom door. Didn't really let him be involved.  
And he didn't push the issue, something he regrets.

Trixie groans a little.   
"I'll be glad when this bit's over," she mumbles.

"Has it been bad?" He asks.

"Not too terrible." She says. "But enough for me to want it over with."

Christopher keeps rubbing her back and nods. "Anything that helps it?"  
"Shelagh's given me some peppermints, they work for a time." She goes to relax a little but is right back up and dry heaving.

Christopher winces. It sounds like it hurts. Dry heaving is the worst 

He keeps rubbing her back, wishing he could do more.

Eventually her stomach settles enough Trixie feels safe enough to lean away from the toilet and against the wall. "It's okay. You can go back to bed."  
"When you're feeling up to it, we'll go back up together." He tells her as he shifts to sit on the floor instead of staying in a crouch. 

Trixie sighs and leans her head against his shoulder. "I want to, but the nausea is so sudden..."

Christopher wraps his arm around her shoulders and lets Trixie tuck herself against him a little more.   
"Then we'll sit here until you're sure it's passed."

Trixie sighs. "You don't have to sit with me. It could take a while."  
"I want to." He says quietly. "I wasn't.....involved with much when Moira was pregnant. Through my own actions and her pushing me away."

Trixie turns her face to look at him. "What happened?"

"I was still training, lots of long hours. I let her shut me out of it. Men aren't supposed to be involved, and I went along with it." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I regret a lot of that time."

Trixie makes a quiet noise. "Well. You can be as involved as you want to be with this one." Her voice is quiet and small and vulnerable sounding. 

"You're going to keep it?" He asks, his voice matching hers. He doesn't want to assume. 

"I don't know," she admits quietly   
She wants to. But she won't do to another kid what her father did to her   
Christopher tries not to react. He wants to be involved, but doesn't know if he could handle giving up a child he loves.

"I don't know if I can look after them the way they deserve."

"You're wonderful with Alexandra. I have no doubts that you will be just as wonderful with this baby."   
His voice is so sincere sounding she almost believes him. 

She just nods against his shoulder   
"I think I'm okay now," she says quietly. "We can go back to bed."

Christopher stands and offers his hand to her.   
Before heading upstairs she brushes her teeth to get rid of the taste of vomit in her mouth. 

She follows him up and they curl back up again, him spooned behind her and his hand back over her belly. Christopher's thumb rubs gently across her skin. 

the touch is soothing, even if Trixie is still unsure about it. It's really the first time she's let herself touch her *own* belly really. Trying to keep her distance for when she has to say goodbye  
She doesn't want to get attached. But she's not kidding anyone really. She already is.

"What can I do to help you?" Christopher asks, his voice low. 

"Stay?" Trixie's voice is so so small  
"As long as you'll have me." He answers quickly. 

She exhales and her body relaxes totally in his hold. "Okay." 

He wants to marry her. But knows now probably isn't the best time for a proposal   
He doesn't think she'd accept. But he wants it out there. That he's serious. 

"I want to marry you Beatrix." He says so softly she barely hears him. "This is not a proposal. When I propose it will be done properly."

Trixie makes a tiny noise. "Christopher..." She cant believe him but she feels too warm and safe to cry again. 

He kisses her shoulder.   
"It's not because of the baby. It's been on my mind for months."   
Maybe knowing he's wanted that with her for longer than just the past few hours will help. 

 

"My first marriage was out of an obligation. And it fell apart." He tightens his hold on her a little.   
"I promise you, it's not not that way now."

Trixie sighs. "Okay." She puts her hands over his on her stomach.   
She doesn't quite believe him, but she's not rejecting his words outright.   
Christopher sighs too, he can tell she doesn't believe him.   
But he'll tell her every day if he must. Multiple times a day.   
"Try to get some more sleep." He suggests.

"Okay."   
Trixie settles down again. She's tired and her head hurts still. She's just exhausted and slips into a doze. Christopher keeps his arm wrapped around her, rubbing her stomach gently until he falls into a light sleep too. 

Shelagh wakes them a couple of hours later with a light knock on the door and an offer of breakfast. 

Trixie pauses, testing her stomach, and then nods. "Please."  
Downstairs they find that Patrick and Tim have already left for the day. And Shelagh told them that she would be heading out shortly as well but that they were more than welcome to stay.

Trixie smiles, and takes a breath, and settles her armour back in place. "Thank you, Shelagh, but we should go home too."  
"And I should go speak with Sister Julienne." She adds. At the very least she is staying close by throughout her pregnancy. And Sister Julienne should know.

Shelagh nods. "Of course. We all care for you very much," Shelagh reminds her knowing Trixie has been worried about what Sister Julienne would think of her  
Christopher drives Trixie back to Nonnatus and asks her if she wants him with her when she speaks to Sister Julienne.

Trixie shakes her head. "No, thank you. This is something I have to do alone."  
She smiles at him as she says it though  
"I'll be at the pub down the street, come find me when you're done?" 

Trixie wants to laugh at the surrealness of it, but she just nods. "I will."


	5. Chapter 5

Nonnatus is quiet as she walks down the hall to Sister Julienne's office. She'd set this meeting up with her in advance. Knowing that no matter how her conversation with Christopher went, she'd need to talk to her. 

Sister Julienne calls her to enter when she knocks, and smiles at her warmly in greeting. "Good morning. Please, sit down."   
She knows Trixie has been struggling, and that she's spent a lot of time with Shelagh  
"Thank you for meeting with me." Trixie says as she takes a seat.   
She keeps her back straight, trying to make it seem like she's more put together than she feels. 

Julienne folds her hands together on the table. "Of course. We will always have time for our young ladies."

"I know that over the past several weeks my performance has not been at the level that is expected of me. Not just by Nonnatus and our patients, but also by myself. And I apologize for that." Trixie starts. She'd been rehearsing her words frequently since making the appointment. 

Sister Julienne just nods, and gestures for her to continue.

"I have allowed difficulties in my personal life to affect my professional one. I made a decision that hurt someone I love, even though I thought it was for the better. That decision led me to another which is how I found myself at the bottom of a bottle of gin. And I am asking for a few weeks time off, to get myself back in order. "

Sister Julienne smothers the noise she wants to make   
"Thank you for telling me, Nurse Franklin. And yes, take the time you need. I will make sure we can manage."   
Trixie takes a steadying breath. "I ended up at the Turner's the last night I drank. It's been just over two weeks and I am doing everything I can to not end up back where I was."  
"I did not ask to speak with you just to detail my drunken descent." Trixie says. She can feel her heart pounding. 

Sister Julienne is relieved that Trixie found support, at least, and really had been with the Turners.   
"Is there something wrong?"  
"I'm pregnant." Her voice is quieter than Sister Julienne is used to hearing. 

Sister Julienne does make a quiet noise then.   
"I would like to continue working for as long as possible. But I understand that someone in my...situation...is not the image Nonnatus wants to promote."  
Trixie forces herself to keep her head held high.

Sister Julienne nods slowly. "You must do what you feel is right. I would be concerned for your... treatment during your pregnancy." She knows how cruel people can be.   
"However, you are welcome to remain here, and to return to your work after."  
"That is very kind of you." Trixie says. She was not expecting that. 

"You are a phenomenally talented nurse, and a very dear member of our family," Sister Julienne replies. "We would not have you leave us if you do not wish to."  
"I cannot express how much that means to me." Trixie replies around the lump growing in her throat.

Sister Julienne stands and walks around the table, taking Trixie's hands in hers   
"My dear..." Sister Julienne squeezes her hands   
"May I ask if Mr. Dockerill knows?" she asks gently.   
Trixie nods. "I told him last night."

"Ah," Sister Julienne replies gently. "How did he react?"   
"He wants to be as involved as I'll let him. I was the one to end our relationship...he does not want to push." Trixie is actually incredibly relieved that Christopher isn't pressing her. Is following her lead in this.   
Sister Julienne nods. "Whatever you decide to do, you will have our support."  
"Thank you." Trixie says quietly. 

"Of course, Trixie. I know this is a trying time, but I would like offer you congratulations." Sister Julienne says and opens her arms a little, inviting Trixie for a hug.

Trixie steps into her hug and lets herself take comfort from the embrace. It's more than she ever expected when imagining this conversation   
It's the first *congratulations* she's gotten   
She lets herself shed a few tears before pulling back from Sister Julienne. 

"Would you like to take tea with me?" Sister Julienne asks when Trixie pulls have, leaving a hand resting warmly on her shoulder 

"Christopher is actually waiting for me. We still have some things to discuss. But thank you for the invitation." Trixie says. 

"Of course. Do let me know if you want to." Sister Julienne gives her shoulder one last squeeze before stepping away to let her leave 

Trixie nods and steps out of the Sister's office. She looks up and down the hall just to make sure she won't be surprised by a colleague. 

But Nonnatus is still empty, most everyone busy with their rounds   
She slips out of the front doors just to find Phyllis coming up the steps. 

"Good morning, Nurse Franklin," Phyllis greets. A touch coolly   
Something passes across Trixie's face that's gone in a flash but it gives Phyllis pause. And makes her slightly regret her tone of voice.   
"Good morning, Nurse Crane." Trixie replies. 

"Are you off out? Could you stay for lunch?"  
"I was just speaking with Sister Julienne. Christopher is expecting my company." A little smile tugs at the corners of her mouth.

Phyllis smiles back, looking pleased. "I shan't keep you, then."  
Trixie gives her a nod and continues to the pub where Christopher is waiting.


	6. Chapter 6

He waves when she pushed the door open and looks around. He was watching the door nervously.  
He stands up when she reaches his table and he gives her a quick hug before they both sit.   
"How was your meeting?" He asks, voice low even though no one would be paying them much attention. 

"It went...well. Sister Julienne was very kind."

"I'm glad." Christopher smiles at her. 

"She told me I have the support of Nonnatus, no matter my choice." Trixie says quietly.  
Quiet mostly still due to the wonder of not being thrown out of her position. 

"They adore you, Trixie."  
"They still have an image to uphold and a nurse pregnant out of a wedlock isn't exactly within that image." Trixie counters. 

"Neither is turning away someone they love and who needs their help because of the gossips of Poplar."   
"It's not necessarily because of gossips. The mother house is....not as liberal as Sister Julienne." Trixie explains. "They can't tell her not to give me shelter, but they can revoke my position."

"You could still nurse, surely?"  
She looks at him oddly. "Not while pregnant and unmarried. I've known of many women with less public jobs let go for similar situations."

Christopher makes a little "huh" noise. He knew, of course, pregnant women had a hard time, but it's still a little strange to realise someone as good at her job and respected would be in the same position.

"Even if I give it up, the mother house can still remove me." She says sadly.  
"But I doubt it will come to that."

"I hope so," Christopher replies quietly. "I am sure Sister Julienne will do everything to ensure that doesn't happen." 

They eat lunch and have a light, easy conversation. Trixie asks him to tell her all about how Alexandra has been over the past two months. 

Christopher admits that Alexandra have asked after her a few times and seemed to miss her, which had annoying Moira   
She was doing a little better   
She'd had no more accidents at school, but her nightmares were still consistent. 

Christopher thinks the regular visit days at least are helping   
He privately thinks its Moira making her anxious but he keeps those thoughts to himself. 

As they're finishing up lunch, Christopher asks if she wants him to take her to the Turner's or to Nonnatus....or even back to his home.

Trixie hesitates.   
She isn't really sure. Not the Turners, she's spent enough time imposing on their family time, as much as she knows Shelagh will always welcome her.   
And at Nonnatus, she'll be asked too many questions. 

"To yours?" she asks, voice quiet 

Christopher nods and swallows. He hadn't really expected that to be her answer. "Alright." 

"Unless..." Trixie's expression falls a little   
"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want you there. Just a little surprised." He says quickly. 

"Oh." She looks down at the table and then back up at him, "I don't - I don't really want to be one my own."

Christopher gives her a gentle smile. "Do you want to pick anything up from Nonnatus or the Turner's?"  
He wants her to be comfortable in his home, no matter how long she stays with him. 

Trixie shakes her head. "No thank you. I should - I'm going to go back to Nonnatus tonight, I think. I miss the girls."   
As much as she hates the thought of explaining herself. And how much she misses Barbara. 

"Ready to set out then?" He asks standing and offering her his arm.   
Trixie nods too and tucks her hand into the crook of his elbow with a shy smile

Trixie enjoys being in Christopher's home.   
After the divorce, he made sure to get a house, one that was big enough for Alexandra to have her own room, and for there to be a guest room.   
Even though he works a lot, he's made sure to make it feel like a home, mostly for Alexandra's sake really. 

It's almost like a more modern version of the Turner's really   
Once inside, Trixie takes off her shoes and curls up on his sofa while he makes himself a coffee and her tea.

He hands her her tea and then sits down next to her, close enough for her to lean on him if she likes, but not crowding her   
She shifts to be able to put her head on his shoulder. Wanting to be close to him. 

He switches his coffee to his other hand so he can rest his hand over hers on his knee  
"I'm sorry." Trixie says eventually. 

He turns his head to look at her. "Sorry for what?"  
"For pushing you away. For being an absolute mess. For not knowing what I want to do." She lifts her hand from his knee and rubs at her face a little. 

"You don't have to apologies for not knowing what to do," Christopher replies quietly. "Or for being a mess. I am sorry you pushed me away, but I'm sorry I let you do it."  
"I want to just go back. Change everything." She sighs. 

"I know," Christopher says quietly. He sort of wants to too. "But we're here now. And that's what matters."  
"Yes. And this little one will be here too. Forward is the only way to go." Trixie says.   
She reaches her hand back out to his knee. "Forward together." She adds, heart pounding.

Christopher follows. "Forward together. If you want to."  
She nods against his shoulder. "I do want to."

"Then we'll do it together," Christopher confirms   
Hardly daring to believe it   
Trixie giggles a little, it forced its way out.  
Christopher chuckles at the surprising sound and kisses the top of her head.

She smiles and turns her head a little to press a kiss to his shoulder under her cheek   
"I'd like to wait a little. To tell Alexandra that she's going to be a big sister." She says after a while.

"Of course," Christopher replies immediately. "Its entirely your decision."   
"I want her to get used to me being around again. I know it's only been two months. But I don't want any progress she's made to back slide." She says.  
"You are already a wonderful mother." Christopher whispers against her hair.

Trixie makes a soft noise. "I'm not."   
"You are," Christopher insists, and kisses her hair. "And you won’t cause her to back slide. You were never the problem."  
Trixie lifts her head to look at him. "I want to be able to believe that."

"I want you to believe it, too. I'll say it as often as you need."  
Trixie sits up a little and presses a soft kiss to his lips. "Thank you."

He blinks down at her, startled.   
"Whatever you need."  
She smiles almost shyly at him. 

He smiles shyly back at her. "May I - may I do that again?"  
Trixie nods.  
He leans down to kiss her so, so softly. 

Trixie makes a little noise against his mouth. The soft touch of his lips melt her insides a bit.

He pulls back to check she's okay and leans forward to press another soft kiss to her mouth   
The next time they part it's her doing. So she can place her mug of tea on the table. She settles back against him again and places a hand on his cheek before kissing him again. 

Christopher keeps the kisses soft and light, just presses of their lips together. Lets Trixie set the pace. She's grateful for that. She's not ready to jump right back into a physical relationship. Though, it's not like she's going to get knocked up a second time.

But it's still nice to be kissing him again   
Being close to him 

Trixie pulls away and tucks her head under his chin. 

Christopher settles his arm around her shoulders this time   
"I have to say I missed that." He says lightly.

Trixie finds another giggle escape unbidden.   
"Me too."   
"I will kiss you as often as you wish for as long as you wish." He says and kisses her hair.

"I'd like that," Trixie replies, and turns to smile at him 

He leans down again to kiss her gently.

She tilts her head up to kiss him back softly against before tucking her head back under his chin, cuddling close.


End file.
